Balikbayans come home to the motherland for a slew of reasons, from wanting to spend time with family to setting up their retirement plan. For some of them, it’s also to find love.
But what is the dating landscape in PH now, especially for millennials and Gen Xers? With less than a week before Valentine’s Day, KUBO chatted with singles and daters in post-pandemic Philippines and got the lowdown on dating subculture themes in the country. Tell us if you agree.
1. Dating in this time relies heavily on social media.
“Think of social media as your way to grab attention,” says Nana 23, a Gen Z dater. “We know stuff on social media can be fake or contrived, but that’s what creates the first impression—and it can either be a good one or a bad one.”
Social identity seems extremely influential in the PH dating scene. It provides a peek at your identity, wants, things you deem important, interests, etc. Think of it as a dating staging ground where you can put “your best foot forward.” More discerning daters are able to see through social facade, though, and the curiosity to go beyond the projected social persona is what either fuels or quashes further interest.
2. Digital activity is often used to benchmark interest levels.
Since many “situationships” and relationships are born and nurtured on the social space, it’s expected that digital activity becomes a measure of interest. “One time, a guy I didn’t know went on a marathon liking spree of my photos and stories,” recounts Kris, 26. “I naturally got curious. I was like, Who in the world is this person?! I have to admit, it made me wonder and pay attention.”
Many PH daters like Kris monitor activities to their social pages—who’s liking, who’s viewing. When interested parties slip into their DMs or send a private message, then they know.
3. Gender roles while dating have blurred.
Today’s modern dating modes have shifted paradigms. Women are more empowered. Guys can be all brazen or still be waaay torpe. Gays have more equal opportunities. Modern times seem to have leveled the dating playing field.
But Anya, 27, was quick to clarify: “While there are no longer rigid rules about who makes the first move or what, there are still personal preferences, of course.” Ton, 34, agreed: “I’m all for confident women, but I still want to be the first one to approach and do something. Sure, other guys want that—women practically throwing themselves at their feet—but it doesn’t cut it for me. I want a girl who knows she’s a catch; it gets me to step up my game.” In this respect, it’s all fair game and personal preferences. Hopefully, your style techniques match up with the one you fancy.
4. Apps have made dating both easy and hard—depends on how you look at it.
Mobile dating has provided modern daters with platforms and platforms of dating options—from booty calls to questionnaire dating sites, girls-first to other genders. We know of many who have found their forevers on dating apps.
Katie met her now-husband on a dating app. “I had gotten out of a seven-year relationship and a one-year dating break when I proclaimed I was ready to try again,” she says. She set up her profile, went through a few swipes, then quickly matched with Norbert, who was also looking for someone exactly like her. After chatting and meeting up soon after, the two became inseparable. And two years later, they got married.
While some of us have a love-hate relationship with dating apps, they can be amazing ways to G2K (get to know) people. You can connect and reconnect with people from across the seas or in the nearby vicinity, filter preferences, facilitate quick meet-ups, and examine or make first impressions without too much risk.
5. Some outliers still exist who prefer traditional ways.
If digital dating isn’t your style, that’s okay; you don’t have to force it. Jobi, 39, found online dating to be too much pressure. “It’s like you have to put forth a persona to be liked! Eh what if I’m not photogenic or techy?!” he says with a laugh. But Jobi’s a darling with a hilarious personality, and he’s glad he met Lea, who saw that on their first meet-up. Sure, they met online, got on to “talking” in private chats, but what solidified their union was the time they actually spent with each other and the time they spent together with other people around.
Lea recounts the kilig: “Sure, interest was set online—with an initial intro, constant likes, and story watches—but the real-life ‘ligaw’ is still what got me. Jobi made time, expressed clear intentions, and made me feel special through his kindness and thoughtfulness. He made me laugh, too.” Jobi and Lea just got official this month, but they are testament to how hybrid dating and the evolved ligaw in 2024 Philippines still exists.